Peaceful Reflections From an Empty Bucket

Rick Jobus avatar

by Rick Jobus |

Share this article:

Share article via email
relationships, ALS Awareness Month, life lessons, anniversary, the plague, movies, aging, bucket list, treatment, extraordinary, carnival ride, living, what's next, train, sweetness, support groups

“‘Cause I got a peaceful, easy feelin’,

And I know you won’t let me down,

‘Cause I’m already standin’

On the ground.”

Those lyrics by Jack Tempchin, sung by the Eagles on their 1972 debut album, came to mind following some introspection prompted by a popular question. I was asked about the contents of my “bucket list.” After thoughtfully considering the usual suspects for life’s unfinished business — destinations, cultural samplings, events, accomplishments, etc. — I came to the conclusion that my bucket list contains nothing. 

That response caused my questioner to remark that I am “the most at-peace person” they know. I attribute a good bit of the basis for that observation to ALS. In my experience, folks tolerate, or even expect, a certain amount of teeth-gnashing from someone so stricken. When none is forthcoming, people are often surprised, occasionally to the point of undue flattery.

The notion of being “at peace” stimulated additional contemplation. Ultimately, I reckoned that I am on a journey toward peace, and infrequently taste it in its purest sense. I also realized that was not always the case.

Prior to ALS, I had an enormous bucket list. I wanted for nothing, but was in pursuit of more of everything. On the surface, I was thriving, but subliminally, I was drowning. I lived within a loose, theistic framework of my own regulation. As both judge and jury, I acquitted my often atheistic behavior. The hypocrisy set the stage for constant internal warfare.

My pre- and post-ALS selves are in stark contrast. Per the International Journal of Humanities and Social Science, “Since ancient times, transformation has been viewed as an evolutionary process within consciousness whereby one sees the world in a new way.” The journal goes on to assert that “personal transformation is preceded by a disorienting dilemma that disrupts the order of one’s life.” The trauma of ALS certainly fits.

C. S. Lewis wrote, “Pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pain: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” Whether it was a coincidence or a catalyst, I embarked on a quest for the truth shortly after my ALS diagnosis. Circuitous or straight, every route I followed took me to the same inevitable destination: God. 

The dividends were immediate and dramatic. My coping skills kept pace with disease onslaught. Increasingly, I found unexpected peace. As it turns out, in that regard, I was not alone. Spirituality reaps rewards for countless others.

An article in Practical Pain Management states, “Research results have supported the use of spiritual practices in helping patients cope with pain, reduce pain intensity, and lessen the degree to which pain interferes with the activities of daily living.” These practices, ranging from structured rigor to free form, include meditation, prayer, affirmation of self as spiritual or religious, deferral to a higher power, appraisal of divine intervention, yoga, diaphragmatic breathing, and studying religious literature.

Spirituality also provides succor in the face of imminent mortality. In his book, “Reflections on the Existence of God: A Series of Essays,” Richard E. Simmons III shares what Dr. David Nelson, a 19th-century physician, observed while sitting beside many of his religious patients as they lay dying. Nelson wrote, “I beheld more celestial triumph than I had ever witnessed anywhere else. In their voice there was a sweetness, and in their eye was a glory.”

Unlikely figures have flirted with their own spiritual constructs, as they sought relief from life’s vicissitudes. Albert Einstein, at best a religious skeptic, once wrote: “Strenuous intellectual work and looking at God’s nature are the reconciling, fortifying, yet relentlessly strict angels that shall lead me through all of life’s troubles.” Albert Camus, an avowed existential atheist, reportedly began attending church later in his life while “searching for something that the world is not giving me.

During this ALS chapter of mine, spirituality has been a pillar of life support. The foundation of my spirituality is built upon two realities from the Christian Gospel that Jesus emphasizes repeatedly: everlasting  life and the kingdom of God. I fervently seek both. They are attainable through faith and by striving to obey the two great commandments: loving God with my entire essence and loving every human being.

Sadly, a civil war-like skirmish will often break out between the angels and demons within my psyche, interrupting the fulfillment of God’s directive, and I sin. Thankfully, after repentance, by God’s miraculous, merciful grace, I am forgiven. My slate is wiped clean.

The Eagles’ tune is a love song of sorts. Fittingly, the lines I chose sing to me about life under God’s love.  I stand grounded, right where I need to be, with God. I trust he won’t let me down. I bask in his peace.

Who needs a bucket list?

***

Note: ALS News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of ALS News Today or its parent company, BioNews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to ALS.

Comments

Linda Nolan avatar

Linda Nolan

As always, Rick is inspirational and eloquent with this message.

Reply
Rick Jobus avatar

Rick Jobus

Thank you kindly, Linda

Reply
TwilaThalberg avatar

TwilaThalberg

When peace like a river attendeth my way —- it is well, it is well with my soul! A beautiful reminder Rick. Thanks.

Reply
Rick Jobus avatar

Rick Jobus

Twila I love that quote!

Reply
Chuck Kroeger avatar

Chuck Kroeger

Amen. Thanks Rick

Reply
Bob Pavlasky avatar

Bob Pavlasky

Rick I enjoyed reading your column, the mind is a powerful factor and you certainly appears to handle the demons well. Where in SW Florida do you live? For the last 15 yrs I have lived in the Villages, Fl. Do you communicate with Al ?

Reply
Rick Jobus avatar

Rick Jobus

Bob,
Great to hear from you! I am perhaps better at recognizing the demons, though still a long way from handling them all the time. I live in North Fort Myers. The last I spoke with Al was a long time back, after Sherry Elias died. We continued emailing for a time, until he took ill. How are you faring?

Reply
Thomas E. Farrell avatar

Thomas E. Farrell

Thank-You Rick for this insight, very inspirational.

Reply
Bob Ives avatar

Bob Ives

Hi Rick, Great post ... thank you. We have much in common in that I've been dealing with ALS since '10, live in Chicago area, am a retired engineer, have a home in Estero and have similar thoughts about my ALS journey. Unfortunately I'm not as well read or as gifted a writer as you. Keep up the good work!

Reply
Rick Jobus avatar

Rick Jobus

Bob, Thanks for the kind words. Indeed we have a striking commonality. Stay strong!

Reply
Tom Hehir avatar

Tom Hehir

Terrific piece Rick As a person with ALS with a deep Christian faith, I don't know what I'd do without my faith. However, I have only one thing on my bucket list, to spend time with the people I love and enjoy whatever blessings each day brings.
Tom Hehir

Reply
Rick Jobus avatar

Rick Jobus

Tom, Thanks. Your "bucket list" is a portion of my "peace".

Reply
Chris Lamagna avatar

Chris Lamagna

Hi Rick, your illness has been brought to my attention recently. I lost my mother to ALS almost 3 years ago. I have some understanding of what you are going through. You have been battling for quite sometime. Her battle only lasted 6 months. Probably for the best. I suppose you were diagnosed shortly after you moved from our area. It seems you have adjusted well.
Take care. Thinking of you. I will include you in my prayer.
Chris
PS... funny I’m watching NCAA tournament. I remember going to games w you.

Reply
Chris Lamagna avatar

Chris Lamagna

Hi Rick, I posted a comment to you a few days ago. Did you see/receive it?
Your former neighbor, Chris L

Reply
Rick Jobus avatar

Rick Jobus

Hey Chris,
First, so sorry about your mom. Second, thanks for the thoughtful reach out.
Yes, I was diagnosed shortly after moving from Gibsonia, though, in hindsight, I was already symptomatic when we were neighbors. My progression has been mercifully slow.
I retain fond memories of our friendship. The tournament we attended together, and your brainchild bowling league are two highlights, of many, from my time in Western PA.
Are you still at the same house? Still making cheese? How are Carol, Julie and Roman?
Warmly,
Rick

Reply
Chris Lamagna avatar

Chris Lamagna

Hey Rick, still at the same house. I spend most of my time in Fla.
We sold the business over 4 years ago. I have been retired over 3 years. Roman and Julie living at home with me. Julie will finish grad school at Pitt next month, Speech Path. Roman doing well, working at PNC.
Eric had updated me on your health. He and Nancy visited a few weeks ago in Fla.
Take care and keep your head up.
Chris

Reply
Rick Jobus avatar

Rick Jobus

Chris, where in FL? I'm in North Fort Myers.

Reply
Chris Lamagna avatar

Chris Lamagna

Rick, I’m in Jupiter.
Where in Ft Meyers?

Rick Jobus avatar

Rick Jobus

North Fort Myers, blocks away from SW Cape Coral

Leave a comment

Fill in the required fields to post. Your email address will not be published.