When ALS first caused my husband, Todd, to need a wheelchair, he realized he couldn’t recline too far in it or he’d get stuck there; his arms were too weak to reach the joystick or seat-control buttons. To compensate, his durable medical equipment technician added an egg switch to…
Joyful Sorrow — Kristin Neva
Kristin Neva is an author, mother of two, and caregiver for her husband, Todd, who was diagnosed with ALS in 2010 when he was 39 years old. Knowing they would need family support, they moved to Upper Michigan and built an accessible home on property next to Kristin’s childhood home. Kristin enjoys spending time outdoors, especially on the shore of Lake Superior in the summer. Todd no longer has use of his limbs, but he stays active working on projects on his computer using adaptive technology. They try to find joy in the midst of sorrow as Todd’s health declines.
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Wake me up if Todd is in distress,” I said to his nighttime caregiver. “Of course,” she replied. It’s not something I typically say to one of my husband’s regular caregivers, but I felt on edge. I said good night and tried to get some rest, but my mind was…
A few weeks ago, I was catching up with a friend of mine. Among other topics, we discussed what I might do for work after my husband, Todd, is gone. He has ALS, is paralyzed, and needs noninvasive ventilation. His lung function is quite poor, and I could…
I’ve lived in the shadow of my husband Todd’s ALS for the past 13 years. My days have been clouded by the bitter reality of knowing that life will only get harder until it’s over. The daily stresses of my caregiving are intense: clearing his airway when he…
“Find your own Calcutta. Find the sick, the suffering, and the lonely, right where you are — in your own homes and in your own families, in your workplaces and in your schools. You can find Calcutta all over the world, if you have eyes to see.” — Mother…
Last week, I set my husband, Todd, up on his computer before heading out for my weekly ukulele group. It’s difficult to leave my husband for long, because he’s paralyzed by his ALS. But my class lasts only an hour and I’d be less than 10 minutes away. In…
While many couples celebrating an anniversary post joyous messages and proclaim their excitement about the future on social media, I couldn’t bring myself to do the same when my husband, Todd, and I reached our 20th wedding anniversary a couple weeks ago. It’s not because we don’t have a good…
We had a young visitor this past weekend who met my husband’s disability with frank curiosity and innocent sweetness. The guest, Todd’s 6-year-old great-nephew, watched with interest as I set up his Uncle Todd at the computer. “What is that for?” he asked as I put Todd’s sip-and-puff…
One evening last week after I’d finished cooking dinner, I grew concerned. My almost 14-year-old son had gone out to ride his dirt bike on an off-road vehicle (ORV) trail that ran next to our property. He’d planned to go only to a nature area a couple miles away and…
The years since my husband, Todd, was diagnosed with ALS have been hard for both of us, not only physically but also emotionally. I don’t think there’s a way to overcome the grief that accompanies a disease that causes ongoing loss, but we’ve found ways to live with it.
My husband, Todd, is paralyzed because of ALS, so I transfer him from bed to wheelchair, and from wheelchair to the toilet, using a sling and overhead lift. This morning, as I moved him from his bed to the wheelchair, he told me, “My fingernail is cutting into…
A couple weeks ago, a friend asked me, “What are you going to do for your birthday?” “We’ll just have a family dinner and play games,” I said. “That’s all I want.” When my husband, Todd, and I were married, we might have gone on a weekend getaway or out…
A family friend visited last week, prompting a trip down memory lane to the days long before my husband, Todd, had ALS. My teenage daughter and her boyfriend sat on the couch behind us, while Todd, our friend Abby, and I sat around the kitchen table sharing memories…
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