Guest Voice: Rebuilding life while coping with grief is a process

The first few months after my husband, Craig, died from ALS in April 2022 were incredibly hard and a bit of a blur. I went through the motions, not really knowing or caring what I did. Once the relatives had gone, the funeral was over, and the house was empty, I had to rebuild.

My friends and family were very supportive, but I was mindful that they had their own lives to lead. Sooner or later, I’d have to stand on my own two feet.

I decided not to go back to work, feeling like I’d been away from it for too long. This meant I had to think about other ways to fill my days. I tried to find things to give each day a focus. I still struggle when the day has no structure. Weekends are the worst, as other people are busy with children and grandchildren, which I don’t have.

Recommended Reading

December 3, 2025 Columns by Anita Newton

Guest Voice: Navigating a new life after my husband’s death from ALS

I had to really push myself, but I slowly got involved with new groups. Most of the activities were sports-related, which provided me with exercise and opportunities to interact with others. This has been a godsend, as I’ve made new friends, and it’s opened up new avenues for me.

I sought professional mental health guidance twice. The first time was to help me grieve and make sense of the loss. I’d pushed the pain away to cope, so I hadn’t actually grieved properly. The sessions released my emotions and permitted me to cry. I’m not sure why I needed permission, but the brain is a complex organ. Perhaps it was shielding me from the enormous loss.

The second time was a year later, when I realized I wasn’t allowing myself to think about Craig because I’d get too upset. I wanted to talk about him, but then I would cry and feel awkward about breaking down in front of people. I worried they’d think I wasn’t far enough along in the grieving process and shouldn’t be crying all the time, so I shut him away. Although, as someone pointed out, my true friends wouldn’t have minded my tears.

Carving out a new life

Writing was my real savior — being able to say everything I wanted to, explain those complex emotions, and pour out my heart. It was as if writing it down put it out in the open and helped me deal with it. I’d write to Craig to tell him how I was feeling. This might not work for everyone, but it did for me. I wrote a lot in the early days after his death.

I’m now almost four years down the line, and I’m carving out a new life for myself. I still miss Craig terribly, and writing this is pulling at my heartstrings. But I’m getting there. There are still days I’m sad about all the things we missed out on, all the things we never got to do, and the memories we never got to make.

With every little achievement, I like to think Craig is there with me, encouraging and supporting me. He wouldn’t have wanted me to put my life on hold. He would’ve wanted me to be happy, so that’s what I’m striving for.

Everyone is different, and how you cope with immense loss will be different from me, as we are all shaped by unique experiences. For some, it might mean reading self-help books and books about grief. For others, it might mean seeking professional help or just keeping busy, not allowing yourself to think about it.

I’m not here to tell you what to do and how to overcome loss. There are professionals who can help with that, but maybe some of my experiences will resonate with you. Perhaps they will even give you some comfort.

Don’t measure your grief journey by someone else’s ruler. You may find you can move on and cope after a year, or it may take you several years. It doesn’t make it right or wrong, and it doesn’t mean you loved them any less.

To submit your own Guest Voice for publication on ALS News Today, please email your idea to our columns manager at [email protected] with the following included in the subject line: “Guest Voice: ALS News Today.”

Note: ALS News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of ALS News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to ALS.