Joyful Sorrow - a Column by Kristin Neva

There are both big and little losses that come with ALS, for the person with the disease and their family. Each stage of the disease brings something new to grieve. When my husband, Todd, was diagnosed in 2010, one of our biggest losses was the future that we…

Wake me up if Todd is in distress,” I said to his nighttime caregiver. “Of course,” she replied. It’s not something I typically say to one of my husband’s regular caregivers, but I felt on edge. I said good night and tried to get some rest, but my mind was…

My husband, Todd, finally got in his new wheelchair! After it was delivered in September, I wrote that we needed to have the attendant control reprogrammed. That finally happened, and we’ve been fine-tuning the chair over the past week. Although both are the same brand, there are differences between…

Last night, I had a dream in which my husband, Todd, did not have ALS. It was a bit of sweet respite from my day-to-day life, and I woke up missing that old version of us. In real life, I am Todd’s caregiver. He is completely paralyzed and needs…

Last weekend, I left my husband, Todd, with a caregiver while I attended our daughter’s dance performance at Northern Michigan University. “Love Is A Burning Thing: A Johnny Cash Ballet” was the CO/LAB Dance Company’s tribute to Johnny Cash, featuring a number of his songs. The energy in…

Three years after my husband Todd’s ALS diagnosis, a friend put me in touch with another family who had been dealing with the disease for about a year. I listened as the adult daughter told me how her mom, who had ALS, couldn’t move at all, and how her…

Three years after my husband, Todd, was diagnosed with ALS, I was learning how to live with the ongoing ache of grief. I found myself crying as I watched our then 7-year-old daughter, Sara, ice skate in her program’s spring show. She and the other girls were wearing sparkly…

Every step of an ALS journey is difficult, but somehow we’re wired with the ability to forget much of the pain and remember the good. I wrote last week about our current challenge of finding nighttime caregivers. After getting all of the shifts covered, one of our caregivers…

“I feel like crying,” I wrote in my journal after a second caregiver decided to leave in December. “I can do 18 hours a day on duty, but I need to sleep sometimes.” For a few months, we had had a reliable team of nighttime caregivers for my husband,…

I feel a sense of accomplishment as this year ends. We made it. My husband, Todd, has hung on, with much effort to keep his lungs clear and filled with air, and we’ve kept persevering even as his ALS keeps progressing. Todd hasn’t had his breathing tested since December…