Joyful Sorrow - a Column by Kristin Neva

My husband, Todd, and I sat on the patio on a perfect summer day in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula. It was in the 70s and sunny, with a brisk wind that kept the mosquitoes and biting flies away. We looked out beyond our backyard to a field that had been a…

A couple months ago, I planted zinnia and strawflower seeds in two plastic bins and set them in the sunlight under our patio window in my dining room. I’ve grown vegetables from seeds in the past, but never flowers. Vegetables feel practical because food is necessary to sustain life, while…

I’ve recently started meeting with a therapist through telehealth to try to better cope with life as my husband’s caregiver. Todd is homebound now, so we have been more isolated, which is hard on my mental health. It’s stressful to always be on duty, ready to move an arm,…

Last summer, a large limb on our old mountain ash died, and this spring, our teenage son cut it off, leaving only one limb coming out of the stump of a once beautiful tree. “Is it time to take it down?” I asked my husband, Todd. “I think so,” he…

My husband, Todd, and I just finished watching the TV series “Person of Interest,” about a type of super artificial intelligence (AI) that predicts crime. The series, which ran from 2011 to 2016, was prescient about current issues resulting from AI and mass surveillance. In the penultimate episode, one of…

You don’t know what you don’t know. Sometimes I feel like we are flying blind. Maybe we are. Maybe because we live in a rural area and don’t have access to an ALS clinic, we are just figuring things out as we go. When my husband, Todd, was diagnosed…

As I prepared to shower my husband, Todd, who is paralyzed due to ALS, I asked his smart speaker to play “Hurt” by Johnny Cash, and after that finished, I asked it to play similar songs. As I shaved Todd’s head, a song I’d never heard before came…

In a recent episode of the “Hidden Brain” podcast, behavioral scientist Dave Evans discussed radical acceptance. He described his 69-year-old wife, Claudia, receiving a terminal cancer diagnosis and how they chose to skip the denial, anger, and depression that often come with grief. They moved straight to acceptance, allowing…

Getting out of the house is always a challenge because my husband, Todd, has ALS and needs care almost 24/7. I never know if I’ll make it to my Monday night ukulele group. When I do, I’m usually rushing to feed Todd, help him in the bathroom, and get…

After my husband, Todd, got ALS and I became his caregiver, I turned to reading and writing as a way to cope. Reading helps me make sense of life, or sometimes just step outside of my life for a while. Writing helps me sort through what I’m thinking and…