Joyful Sorrow - a Column by Kristin Neva

My husband, Todd, and I used to enjoy heading out on adventures, whether it was driving an hour to Chicagoland for an architectural tour of homes designed by Frank Lloyd Wright or flying halfway around the world to Taiwan and visiting a traditional tea house in a small mountain village.

The other evening, our daughter, Sara, read “Bread and Jam for Frances” aloud while I finished feeding dinner to my husband, Todd. He used to read this children’s book about a young badger with human qualities to Sara when she was little. In the book, Frances has an…

The other day my husband, Todd, told me he forgot to ask the caregiver to spray out his clicker tube for his HeadMouse. Because he’s paralyzed from ALS, he clicks his computer mouse by sipping and puffing on a straw, and we only need to replace it once…

My husband’s nose wouldn’t quit bleeding this past Sunday morning, preventing him from using his noninvasive ventilator. Todd is paralyzed from ALS, so he sat in his power wheelchair in front of the bathroom sink as I went to work. I packed his nostril with wadded up…

My husband, Todd, and I enjoy watching chickadees flit from a feeder that hangs from a mountain ash tree behind our house to one of the branches, where they crack the shells and eat the sunflower seeds. “Let Comet out,” Todd told me one morning. “There’s a squirrel in the…

On the ski trail the other afternoon, I was feeling discouraged. I hadn’t slept well the previous couple of nights and had a low-grade headache, but I willed myself to keep going. Exercise is good for my body, and being in nature usually soothes my mind. They’re two of…

While in town the other day, I ran into an old friend. My husband, Todd, and I had gotten to know her and her husband when they first started attending our church. We had invited them over for dinner along with a few other families. Then we met weekly with…

Thinking of gift ideas for my husband, Todd, has always been a challenge — especially since he’s been paralyzed by ALS. Some of my gifts to him haven’t gotten much use, like a heated jacket that he found too hot. He used it a couple times when we went…

If we’d anticipated my husband, Todd, needing nighttime caregivers, we would’ve designed our accessible house differently, but we probably wouldn’t have been as happy with it. After Todd was diagnosed with ALS in 2010, he told me, “We need to sell the house. We need to move near…

More than a dozen years ago, my friend Jana helped me process my grief after my husband, Todd, was diagnosed with ALS. She and I walked around our neighborhood, pushing our babies in strollers as our toddlers rode their bikes. Jana listened and didn’t offer platitudes. We now…