Joyful Sorrow - a Column by Kristin Neva

patients, strength, bittersweet

Kristin Neva is an author, mother of two, and caregiver for her husband, Todd, who was diagnosed with ALS in 2010 when he was 39 years old. Knowing they would need family support, they moved to Upper Michigan and built an accessible home on property next to Kristin’s childhood home. Kristin enjoys spending time outdoors, especially on the shore of Lake Superior in the summer. Todd no longer has use of his limbs, but he stays active working on projects on his computer using adaptive technology. They try to find joy in the midst of sorrow as Todd’s health declines.

Expanding World, Shrinking World

When I was a child, my elderly great-aunt Martha joined my family every Christmas Eve to participate in gift opening. I felt bad that she only got one present while my brothers and I received so many. But she seemed happy with the pair of slippers or homemade ornaments my…

Making Mental Notes While He’s Still Here

After our second child was born — back when my husband, Todd, had an undiagnosed weak left arm — we purchased a used minivan. We found the van on Craigslist and drove two hours to purchase it. Six months later, Todd was diagnosed with ALS. We made plans to…

Learning How to Help from 5 Phone Calls

Nine months after my husband, Todd, was diagnosed with ALS, he entered a social media contest with a $100,000 grand prize to use to fulfill a dream. Contestants with the most votes advanced to the next round. Todd’s dream was to build a handicapped-accessible home near my parents. The home…

An Old Dog Teaches Me New Tricks

I found a walking buddy, and he’s teaching me how to live with my husband’s ALS. When my gym closed, I turned to cross-country skiing every day. When the snow melted, I took up Nordic walking around our fields. One day, returning from my walk, I went to check…

Hanging Up the Keys and Other Tough Decisions

I thought my husband, Todd, should quit driving long before he was ready to hang up the keys. When ALS had weakened his left arm and right hand, he would get gas from a full-service station. I questioned whether he should be driving when he couldn’t pump gas for himself.

Caregivers Are Only Human

Ten years ago today, my husband, Todd, was diagnosed with ALS. I’m grateful that our kids have had their dad much longer than we thought they would. When Todd was diagnosed, Sara was 4, and Isaac was just 9 months old, so we thought they might not even remember him.

Applying the Science of Happiness to Caregiving

I cried buckets in the months after my husband, Todd, was diagnosed with ALS. When I met with a counselor, I described my overwhelming sadness. “It is sad,” he agreed. “When you read stories, they have happy parts and sad parts. This is a sad part of your story.”…

‘Graves Are for the Living’

On Memorial Day, my mom, the kids, and I visited Lakeside Cemetery in Hancock, Michigan. My mom and the kids left in time to attend the Memorial Day service. I arrived late, just as it concluded, because I needed to help Todd in the bathroom and then…

Let’s Just Call It Love

A few years before my husband, Todd, was diagnosed with ALS, he baked a cake for a church fundraiser with one hand while our infant daughter slept on her stomach across his other forearm, her head cradled in his hand. It was impressive enough that he could make the traditional…

An Unexpected Delivery Full of Love

As I waited for the postmaster to bring my package to the counter, I tried to think of what I had ordered. Nothing came to mind. He set the brown box on the counter and said, “Here you go,” through his fabric mask. The package, measuring about 12 inches by…