A do-it-yourself approach to mental health while caregiving

I’m a do-it-yourself kind of gal. This has served my husband, Todd, and I well over the last 14 years as I’ve been his primary caregiver. We do not have an ALS clinic near our home, and our local neurologist moved away years ago, so we don’t have medical professionals with ALS experience to guide us. But I’m a problem solver, so I research online and reach out to other caregivers for ideas when we encounter new difficulties. It would be nice to live near more healthcare resources, but at a certain point there’s not much to be done with ALS anyway.

I’ve come to a similar conclusion with trying to improve my own mental health over the last decade. I found counseling helpful initially after the diagnosis of Todd’s terminal illness, but when I tried again a few years later, I didn’t feel like I was making progress. Once, I arrived for a session only to find it had been canceled. I sat in the parking lot, wrote in my journal, and realized that journaling was just as therapeutic as talking to the psychologist.

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Last week, as I was scrolling through social media, an advertisement for a cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) course caught my eye. I was able to access it for free with a pass through our local library. Jason Satterfield, PhD, teaches methods on self-applying the therapy, and one of the featured clients is a woman who was a caregiver for her husband with Alzheimer’s disease. I took notes on a few principles that resonated with me:

1. Schedule activities. When we change our behaviors, our thoughts and emotions can follow.
2. Practice somatic breathing. Deep, intentional breathing helps calm the body.
3. Reframe thoughts. Shift from absolute thinking to a more balanced perspective.

Last weekend, I got a chance to put the CBT techniques into practice and see how well they worked.

Todd’s nighttime caregiver called in sick, and I wasn’t having any luck finding a replacement. My mom couldn’t fill in because she felt like she might be coming down with a cold. I had been having back spasms on and off for a few days, and I needed to sleep.

I found myself thinking, “I hate my life.”

I tried to reframe the situation because I knew my perspective wasn’t balanced: “I hate that we don’t have enough caregiving help. I don’t hate my whole life. I like my family, my house, and my nightly sauna.”

I tried deep breathing. It didn’t stop the tears from spilling over, but I think it helped calm me a bit.

And then I turned to action. I got on the elliptical machine to exercise and watched a “Seinfeld” episode with Todd.

Just as Todd’s ALS doesn’t have a cure, neither does my mental distress, because it’s due to the situation we are in. Just as physical therapy can improve his life by reducing pain, even if not curing the cause, so can CBT improve my mental health incrementally.

I eventually found a caregiver who was able to come for just a few hours, and Todd and I managed to get a decent night of sleep.

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