As my husband Todd’s ALS progressed, trips to the doctor’s office became increasingly difficult. When he was still walking, we used to travel four hours from northern Michigan through Wisconsin to the closest ALS clinic in Duluth, Minnesota. We turned those trips into mini-vacations, bringing the kids along and…
Joyful Sorrow — Kristin Neva
Kristin Neva is an author, mother of two, and caregiver for her husband, Todd, who was diagnosed with ALS in 2010 when he was 39 years old. Knowing they would need family support, they moved to Upper Michigan and built an accessible home on property next to Kristin’s childhood home. Kristin enjoys spending time outdoors, especially on the shore of Lake Superior in the summer. Todd no longer has use of his limbs, but he stays active working on projects on his computer using adaptive technology. They try to find joy in the midst of sorrow as Todd’s health declines.
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There are both big and little losses that come with ALS, for the person with the disease and their family. Each stage of the disease brings something new to grieve. When my husband, Todd, was diagnosed in 2010, one of our biggest losses was the future that we…
Once when my daughter, Sara, was a baby, I made a mistake that led to a moment of sheer panic. After setting up her jogger stroller next to the car and strapping her in, I dug through the diaper bag that was still in the vehicle to get some…
One of my favorite Christmas gifts this year was balsamic vinegar — two bottles, actually — that my husband, Todd, gave me. Todd has ALS and is paralyzed, so he spends time watching YouTube videos about various subjects. A couple months ago, he came across a video that explained…
A memory from 12 years ago popped up on my Facebook feed. It was a video we had made for a benefit my husband’s co-workers organized for him after his ALS diagnosis. “When I was diagnosed I thought of Danny,” Todd says at the start of the video, accompanied…
After I finished this holiday season’s wreath orders, I moved my wreath-making table out of the dining room back into the garage and put away extra pine cones, bows, and birch bark. The room felt spacious without the clutter, and I told my husband, Todd, “This reminds me of the…
“The essence of trauma is powerlessness.” This quote from Christian trauma therapist Colleen Ramser grabbed my attention, because I often feel powerless as a caregiver for my husband, Todd, who is paralyzed by ALS. We’ve been having a rough week. Todd’s shower aide called in sick a…
A couple days ago, as I was dishing up our family dinner, I popped a piece of chicken in my mouth and accidentally aspirated, drawing a small piece of chicken or phlegm into my lungs. I tried to cough it up, but wasn’t getting it out. I winced and pounded…
“Count your blessings.” “You need to be thankful for what you do have.” People often give silver-lining advice to those facing hard things, and I’ve been on the receiving end of it since my husband, Todd, was diagnosed with ALS. I’ve also found myself offering similar sentiments to people…
Last week, after having my yearly mammogram, I got a call from the clinic. The nurse told me that the imaging had revealed a spot that was concerning. I needed to go back for a 3D mammogram and an ultrasound. After I got off the phone, my eyes filled with…
In the “Barbie” movie, Stereotypical Barbie, played by Margot Robbie, is living her best day, every day, in Barbie Land. When Ken has a mishap at the beach, he is whisked off to a mobile medical clinic and heals within seconds. Everyone attends Barbie’s blowout party. All the…
One morning last week, I turned on my phone, but it powered down almost right away. I turned it back on and checked the battery. It was at 0% after being plugged in all night. I just had the battery replaced the previous week, and now the phone wouldn’t charge…
I’m weary after 13 years with the ALS of my husband, Todd. I started therapy in hopes that I’d get some help. At our first session, I told my therapist that I’d like homework, such as a journaling prompt. A couple sessions in, she pulled out…
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