“What if Todd had aspirated while you were on your spring break trip?” someone asked me. That’s the type of question I’ve asked myself many times over the last decade since my husband, Todd, was diagnosed with ALS. What risks are we willing to take to…
Joyful Sorrow — Kristin Neva
Kristin Neva is an author, mother of two, and caregiver for her husband, Todd, who was diagnosed with ALS in 2010 when he was 39 years old. Knowing they would need family support, they moved to Upper Michigan and built an accessible home on property next to Kristin’s childhood home. Kristin enjoys spending time outdoors, especially on the shore of Lake Superior in the summer. Todd no longer has use of his limbs, but he stays active working on projects on his computer using adaptive technology. They try to find joy in the midst of sorrow as Todd’s health declines.
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My husband, Todd, and I work on New York Times puzzles while we eat breakfast. I sit next to him and feed him bites of his breakfast while I eat, too. One puzzle we work on is the Spelling Bee, where we earn points by forming words from seven different…
“Kristin, if you can’t choose joy for yourself, then do it so Todd’s remaining days and years won’t be miserable,” I wrote in my journal a month after my husband, Todd, was diagnosed with ALS. “Do it so your kids can see how to live well, so they…
As I left our house to get the kids from school, the tree was gone. A contractor’s crew was removing brush from the ditch with an excavator to extend the culvert that passed under our driveway. My husband, Todd, had specifically asked that the poplar tree be left alone. I…
Every Memorial Day, I go with my mom, daughter, and son to the Lakeside Cemetery in Hancock, Michigan, to attend a ceremony honoring veterans. I drive separately in case I need to return home quickly to help my husband, Todd, who has ALS. The ceremony ends with the…
Last week, my husband, Todd, considered canceling a dentist appointment to get a crown placed over a broken tooth. “Is it really necessary?” he asked. “What’s left of this tooth will probably last me for the rest of my life.” Todd has had ALS for nearly 12 years, far exceeding…
A couple weeks ago, when my husband, Todd, told me he wasn’t going to attend our kids’ end-of-the-year events at school — including our son’s band concert and our daughter’s choir concert and dance recital — it was a reality check for me about where we are in this ALS…
In the summer of 2010, my husband, Todd, stopped at the mall after work. It was my birthday, and he hadn’t gotten me anything yet. His mind was still swirling a month after receiving an ALS diagnosis. The shock of it. The grief. He walked through the mall…
A couple weeks ago, one of our toilet tanks developed a crack and started leaking. I turned off the water, and while we waited for a new tank to arrive, we filled a bucket with water from the tub to flush the toilet or used the other bathroom. On Saturday,…
Editor’s note: This column discusses suicide. Please find resources for help at the end of the column. In the “Safety Training” episode of the sitcom “The Office,” Michael Scott, the boss, wants to prove that working upstairs in the office is just as risky as working in the…
Author and counselor Douglas C. Smith wrote in Health and Happiness U.P. Magazine about five types of grief people are experiencing through the pandemic. As I read through the article, I realized I have experienced all of them — anticipatory, general, disenfranchised, ambiguous, and vicarious grief — with my…
My husband, Todd, gets twice-weekly physical therapy, which significantly improves his quality of life with ALS. Six years ago, Todd was having pain in his shoulders, and his elbows would not fully straighten, making it difficult for him to use his wheelchair. His doctor ordered physical and occupational therapy evaluations…
I got away for a couple of nights during spring break with my 12-year-old son, Isaac, and 16-year-old daughter, Sara. It was good to have a mini-vacation, although I was sad my husband, Todd, couldn’t join us because his ALS progression makes travel too difficult. Three years ago, we all…
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