How to not get angry when trying to force a square peg into a round hole

Some days, my life with ALS feels like I’m trying to force a square peg into a round hole. On second thought, forget “some days” — I feel that way almost every day.

There are the small irritations, such as having to wrestle with uncooperative Velcro on my ankle-foot orthoses or dealing with the nozzle on a lotion bottle that I can’t seem to push down. Then, the bigger frustrations pop up, like when others have to wait for me and my slow-moving body when we’re already running behind.

I do get angry about that, but not for long, because I use a mental strategy that changes those imaginary round holes into square ones that fit me. I learned about this strategy years ago in the stress-reduction classes we offered at the hospital-based wellness center where I worked. It was helpful for our students then, and it easily adapts to my current needs now.

First, I need to explain why this strategy is useful. It is intended to counteract our impulse to feel angry when we’re confronted with a challenging situation. Sure, lashing out might feel good in the moment, but it will take over our sense of self and our logical, thinking brain. Not only does our body tense up, but our nervous system also shifts into high gear. And that state isn’t good for my ALS symptoms.

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The ‘how to’

Whenever I notice my feelings escalating into the red zone, I ask myself: “What is one small thing I can do right now to move this forward and return to being in control?”

That simple question jerks me back into the present moment, making me aware of the tension in my body, my rapid breathing, and my runaway thoughts. Just that millisecond of awareness drops my shoulders, and I begin breathing more slowly and deeply. My mind becomes occupied with problem-solving.

I don’t think of my solutions as hacks, but rather as something that empowers me. I’m tapping into the same kind of brain training as when practicing gratitude. I’m training my brain to recognize opportunities. To help you do this, too:

• Challenge the loss or problem by assessing alternative solutions. Think outside the box. Ask others for their input and be adaptable.
• Accept the loss or problem without resigning yourself to it. Change your mindset and remain positive.
• Empower yourself. Remember that your response is more powerful than your circumstance.

I invite you to try my strategy, which is great for both ALS patients and caregivers. It’s one more way we can learn how to live well with ALS. Stop trying to shave your edges off to fit into a world of round holes. Instead, change the shape of the hole.

Note: ALS News Today is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of ALS News Today or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues about ALS.