“Can you believe our little Fafa finished ninth grade?” I asked my husband, Todd, as I flushed his feeding tube. He laughed, and we took a trip down memory lane. Our daughter, Sara, gave herself the nickname. Before she was even 2, she said something like, “Fafa wants that.”…
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Bearing Down With Equine Intent
“Welcome to my nightmare, whoa, “Welcome to my breakdown, “I hope I didn’t scare you …” If there were a “Welcome Wagon” function in the ALS community — whereby incumbent residents indoctrinated new arrivals — surely the introduction would resemble those lyrics from Alice Cooper. Grim statistics and personal…
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When Second Opinions Get Social
Lately, I’ve noticed a strange trend happening in several online ALS communities I belong to. I’ve seen an increase in posts from people who haven’t yet been diagnosed with ALS asking members of the group to essentially offer medical opinions. A typical post begins with a list of physical symptoms,…
On occasion, I’ll page through the photo books my husband, Todd, made for me as Christmas gifts. I feel a sense of gratitude as I look back on all we’ve been able to do since his ALS diagnosis. Family game nights. Outings to sporting events. Family movie nights. Several…
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In Pursuit of the Perfect Omelet
“No one knows what it’s like, “To be the bad man, “To be the sad man, “Behind blue eyes.” – The Who Last week, it was time for the annual agency performance audit of my aides. Actually, owing to COVID-19, the one for 2020 hadn’t taken place. Consequently, the…
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I’m Wearing a Grief Backpack
On one of my recent daily walks, I listened to an “Office Ladies” podcast in which Jenna Fischer shared her ongoing struggle with anxiety. She used the analogy of a backpack to describe the burden she lives with. Some days it weighs her down, while other days she…
Everyone likes being noticed — for the right things, of course. I like it when others recognize my unique talents and skills or a job well done. I don’t like being noticed because I have to use a rollator to help me walk. Or, because I move more slowly than…
Last week, I went to the doctor to get a problem with my ear checked out. The medical assistant went through a list of screening questions. The last was, “Are you depressed?” Tears welled up in my eyes. “Yeah, I’m depressed. My husband is terminally ill.” “I’m sorry,” she said.
If a year ago you would have told me that going without a face mask would be an emotionally challenging thing to do, I would’ve had a good chuckle. But last week, as a fully vaccinated person, I did it, and several times to boot. Although I felt confident being…
We had a health scare a couple weeks ago, and I had to take our 8-year-old goldendoodle to the vet. Earlier in the week, Comet didn’t have his usual zip. Instead of eagerly greeting visitors, he stayed on his doggy bed. By Thursday evening of that week, Comet began…
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